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Matthews Journal Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "mattydforsure" journal:

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May 2nd, 2005
09:08 pm


an undate for nobody
hmmm i dont know y im writing this the only person thats going to even read it is jarrett anyway... and thats if im lucky. so school has and still is very stressful right now ill be so glad when finals r over. yea so i need to get a job for this summer but i dont want a shitty job. lol i know i wish for to much. so tommaro phantom opera comes out on DVD and to answer your question yes im going to buy it. i cant wait till i get to see it this summer. i still havent told my parents that im taking jarrett. i dont really know what they would say to that..... oh well ether way hes going unless his parents stop him... i cant wait till his parents say its ok for me and him to be... but i know it will probley never happen. oh well. it just really hurts that his parents and other people cant except me and jarrett for who we are.


well im bored and have run out of things to say.


Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: O-zone - dar unde esti

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March 31st, 2005
08:11 pm


o lately I have gotten the feeling that im getting swamped at school. BUT IM NOT!!! It’s so weird. Usually when I feel like this is means I don’t want to get my work done and I do see a little bit of that happening. This feeling sucks. I have so much stuff coming up for the month of April. SUCH A BUSY TIME!!! On Monday I have a paper due in government. I finished the paper its not very long but I made my point and backed it up so I just don’t know its only 400 words long. I am feeling very worried about it. And to make matters worse I have a test in psychology next Friday :( I dont like that class all too much. The tests are hard. I studied for the last one really hard and I still only had a C+ it really got me down. This time around I think im going to do bad again but ill just have to see. Next week im a study really hard for that test so im hoping. In all I have 3 tests this month :( the one I just told you about and two more for history. The first history test is test a test over the chapter’s im not to worried about it but still. The essay is probley going to get me. And the last test I have in history is over this book we have to read called defending slavery. Its such a boring book. But I have to read it. Im not to thrilled about taking that test. I haven’t gotten to talk to Jarrett that much lately. But then again on weekdays we don’t talk that much anyway. I know he doesn’t like to talk much on the phone but I do it just eats me up inside sometimes. I feel as if he doesn’t want to talk to me at all or as if hes just pushing me aside. But only if it where that easy but its not. He says hes (tired, has to do work) that’s just to name the basic things he always tells me. I know I need to be more understanding. But sometimes we all lose our cool over stupid things. But I just wish that Jarrett and me where together already im tired of all this high school style phone relationship BULL SHIT. I want to know hes there for me when I miss him. I want him to hold me to tell me he loves me. But it seems as if that day will never come sometimes. (Im sorry baby your stronger than me) i just wish me and him to be happy already. We both have to put up with so much and it’s not fair. Its as if god has turned his back on us sometimes. But when the day that Jarrett and me are finally together I will never want it to end. (Love you baby!!!)
My life has turned in a somewhat positive direction. I have found the joys of degrassi its this show that comes on channel 342 (dig cable) its about life in HS I recommend everyone watches it.
Well I think im a rap this thing up I hope everyone else is having a better life than me right now.
PS Jarrett I know that you cant control what’s happening right now but plz try to see things from my point of view. LOVE YOU! I know that we will make it though all the bull shit we have before.

Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata

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March 27th, 2005
09:20 pm



You Are the Very Gay SpongeBob!

Because the religious right says so...
And because his best friend looks a bit too much like a penis.

HELL YES I LOVE IT!!!!!! im so GAY :)

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: gay sounding techno

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08:53 pm



You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

this is so much like me :0

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: blink 182 - miss you

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March 26th, 2005
07:52 am


well this week has been pretty boring. i got friday off for easter :) everyone in all my classes loved my new hair cut. they all said pretty much the same thing. "wow... it looks better..." 8( i thought my hair looked good when it was long. oh well. i got to see jarrett alot this week. we went to astroworld with hugh, kevin, vance, and tyler. it was alot of fun. it felt so good to spend a day like that with jarrett and his friends.
i cant wait till summer comes. WHY? you ask... The Phantom of the Opera!!! thats why. i have to tickects for the hobby center. pretty decent seats i think. well maybe nto for the price i payed for them ($70 EACH)
im hopeing to take jarrett. i know he will enjoy it. hopeful he will be able to go.
so yesterday i went to church for good friday. i have never been to a good friday servece so when the broke out the wooden cross and they started getting people to kiss it. i kind of started to freak out... i felt kind of silly kissing the cross. dont get me wrong i know what it stands for and all. but understand that was the first time i ever did something like that. that mass was so long :( my mom says that todays is going to be twice as long. she told me shes probley going to ditch but then again she better not LOL.
yesterday i felt like i wanted to tell my mom i was gay. i kind of hate lieing to her. but me and jarrett both agreed not to tell or say anything unless my mom askes. if she everdose i just hope she takes it well. i know it must be hard for a parents to find out that their only son is gay. i feel kind of bad about being gay in that sence but. this is who i am. so i have to make the best of what i have. and right now i have alot. i have a perfect boyfriend that loves me. and i wouldent want to have it any other way.

Jarrett and me have been talking about when we both become teachers :0 (I know me a teacher... what’s this world coming to) I guess my stance on the whole me being teacher thing is. I know how hard it is for kids if they have a teacher who doesn’t care/ has a boring class and I want to try and change that. I think I would make a good teacher. Im planning on teaching government and maybe geography to. I have allot of great ideas of how to teach the kids I get. One is. To teach the kids the value of participation im going to break them up in the groups and get them to pretend they are at the constitutional convention. Each group will be a certain state. The game/project will have a point system. And im going to set up the point system so that each group can get least 30 points. It really is a fun game when u play. Its fun to watch people try to cut each other throats out just to get some points LOL. And it teaches the value of a working government and how hard it is.
another idea I have (im stealing from my teacher now) is to give the class note cards and tell them that this is project is for extra credit points. and then tell them to write down ether a 10 or a 20 if they write down 10 then automatically get the points. Or they can try for 20 BUT the only way to get 20 is if the whole class puts down 20 too. And im not going to let them talk during this project. Its so funny cause half of the class puts down 20 and the other half puts down 10. It’s a good project cause it shows u that u cant count on other people. And in government you really cant count on people too much. You have to watch out allot.

Well ive done the blah blah thing

That crazy (gay) white boy

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: unwritten law - save me

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March 21st, 2005
08:23 pm


emo moment 8(
Today should have been a good day for me... But I don’t feel like it was. I don’t know why I just feel like crap and very depressed. I want to tell the ones I love mostly my boyfriend but what can he do for me? I don’t even know why I feel the way I do. Anyway Jarrett went off to bowl with friends tonight has now spring break. And im happy for him he disserves some time off. But I wouldn’t mind going I ask him but he said no. I understand and all. But I only get to see him so much and every time I do I feel so happy but after he leaves I feel empty again. Nothing seems to help this feeling of emptiness. Love is hard. I always thought love was going to be easy but it takes allot of hard work sacrifices and compromises. I feel like just leaving my house and never coming back at times like this. Hitting the open road and having a good old Hollywood style adventure. But I know I cant for many reason. School, BF, friends, parents, ECT. And then again I don’t even know if I would want to. I can remember times when I felt this depressed and thought I was going crazy. AM I? I feel like I need something more in my life. But I have everything. My first thought is to buy nice things. But no that wouldn’t work it will only give me temporary happiness. The human mind is so crazy. I often wonder why we are all here and why things are the way they are. WHO are we and where are we going? I also wonder why so many people in America and the world hate gay people. I have heard it all before the names, the put-downs. But what is it for don’t people see that you cant change the way someone is? I have heard of groups trying to turn people "str8" and they have the nerve to say it’s in the name of god and Jesus. what? Didn’t Jesus love everyone no matter how bad his or her sin? You can’t just turn someone one way or another. What these christen right wing extremist groups are doing is "though the power of god" making people str8. How can you do that? You cant!!! That’s how!!! It would be like me trying to turn a str8 guy gay. It won’t happen. I have been both ways gay, str8 ive done it all. And im happy being gay. For the longest time I didn’t want to be gay. And why? Because of other people would think. America is supposed to be this perfect place where people have rights. (And they do) but what we have the most of is ignorance’s. White trash, hicks, hate groups ect, (people who hate) you would think that as Americans we could see this and fix it but we don’t. And that’s why other countries look down on us. We learn from our exterior mistakes but not our interior. If we all as Americans took a step back and asked why do I hate? Or why do I do this? We wouldn’t be able to answer. Its cause we learn stuff by watching. For those of you people reading this that are going to have kids don’t teach them to hate cause the world is full of it.
WOW this LJ went allot of places. Oh well I feel better now. :)

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: NONE

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March 20th, 2005
07:28 pm



You Are 10 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

i took the age test and it says im 10 years old WTF. i happen to be very mature... LOL

Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: what ever i want

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02:58 pm


spring break
Hello all. I hope u all had a good spring break or in some of your cases r going to have a good spring break. Mine was pretty boring. :( I stayed at home. The only thing that made me happy all week was the fact that I got to see my perfect boyfriend. I took him subway most that twice during the week. I know im just that nice of a guy. I drove 27-30 mins each day just to see him and that’s not including both ways. But I didn’t mind I love him. In other news I got a hair cut for those of you wondering what it looks like look up and to ur right... YES!!! That’s it you did it. Or did YOU? Oh well. I go back to school tommaro some fun that will be. Maybe I will be able to see Jarrett this week. If not then I will see him soon. I need to start reading these books for history the only problem is the books are so boring. And I don’t mean like (dude this is boring) I mean like (OMG I want to bite of my freaking leg this is so boring) so yea. My life is so stressful sometimes. I know it could be worse but still.

Current Mood: Spaced out
Current Music: POP PUNK

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March 7th, 2005
05:17 pm


today was just plain draining. and the sad part is i dont know why... oh well good news i got a B- on my goverment paper :) today has been a very weird day that was turned up sidedown by people and stupid machines. today when i was driving home from school i was about a block away from my house when this idoit in a truck trying to get in to a Mcdonalds desides that it would be a good idea to stop traffic so he can turn in to the drive thru which was everything but its name at the time. (people are so stupid) he had more than enough room to pull in to the parking lot and go inside or even turn around so he wouldent be blocking traffic but NOOOOOO. when u got home it started to rain and the power went off and my POS moniter crapped out on me. so now i need a new monitor. but the only problem is i dont know if my parents will get me one... oh well i suppose there is more important things in life than a monitor. i just wish that jarrett was with me today to help calm me down... someday someday... i also have to write a mid term essay thing by friday its two papers long 500 words each so its not going to be to hard getting the info for them is the hard part. but i will probley end up writing one of them after school tomarro.
the rest of my night will be spent missing jarrett and feeling kind of down at least till i get to talk to jarrett. but then again its only for so long. i need to learn how to except the things i cant change in my life if i dont then i will never be happy. well hope everyone has a better day than i had.

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Good Charlotte - Hold On

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February 24th, 2005
09:32 pm


well today was jsut another day in my boring life...... jarretts stil sick so this has matthew very sad :( i hope he gets well soon im praying for him to get better and i would love it it everyone did the same LOVE U BABY

Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: something gay

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