emo moment 8(|
Today should have been a good day for me... But I don’t feel like it was. I don’t know why I just feel like crap and very depressed. I want to tell the ones I love mostly my boyfriend but what can he do for me? I don’t even know why I feel the way I do. Anyway Jarrett went off to bowl with friends tonight has now spring break. And im happy for him he disserves some time off. But I wouldn’t mind going I ask him but he said no. I understand and all. But I only get to see him so much and every time I do I feel so happy but after he leaves I feel empty again. Nothing seems to help this feeling of emptiness. Love is hard. I always thought love was going to be easy but it takes allot of hard work sacrifices and compromises. I feel like just leaving my house and never coming back at times like this. Hitting the open road and having a good old Hollywood style adventure. But I know I cant for many reason. School, BF, friends, parents, ECT. And then again I don’t even know if I would want to. I can remember times when I felt this depressed and thought I was going crazy. AM I? I feel like I need something more in my life. But I have everything. My first thought is to buy nice things. But no that wouldn’t work it will only give me temporary happiness. The human mind is so crazy. I often wonder why we are all here and why things are the way they are. WHO are we and where are we going? I also wonder why so many people in America and the world hate gay people. I have heard it all before the names, the put-downs. But what is it for don’t people see that you cant change the way someone is? I have heard of groups trying to turn people "str8" and they have the nerve to say it’s in the name of god and Jesus. what? Didn’t Jesus love everyone no matter how bad his or her sin? You can’t just turn someone one way or another. What these christen right wing extremist groups are doing is "though the power of god" making people str8. How can you do that? You cant!!! That’s how!!! It would be like me trying to turn a str8 guy gay. It won’t happen. I have been both ways gay, str8 ive done it all. And im happy being gay. For the longest time I didn’t want to be gay. And why? Because of other people would think. America is supposed to be this perfect place where people have rights. (And they do) but what we have the most of is ignorance’s. White trash, hicks, hate groups ect, (people who hate) you would think that as Americans we could see this and fix it but we don’t. And that’s why other countries look down on us. We learn from our exterior mistakes but not our interior. If we all as Americans took a step back and asked why do I hate? Or why do I do this? We wouldn’t be able to answer. Its cause we learn stuff by watching. For those of you people reading this that are going to have kids don’t teach them to hate cause the world is full of it.
WOW this LJ went allot of places. Oh well I feel better now. :)
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: NONE